Castiel's New Pants
by Kitkat0114
Summary: Spoiler warning for seasons 4 and 5. After God revives Castiel, He takes special measures to insure Castiel stays alive this time. This is my first fic, so feedback on it, both good and bad, would be nice. Rated T for mild language.


**Title**: Castiel's New Pants

**Characters**: Castiel, Dean, Gabriel, Lisa, Ben

**Summary**: Spoiler warning for seasons 4 and 5. After God revives Castiel, He takes special measures to insure Castiel stays alive this time. This is my first fic, so feedback on it, both good and bad, would be nice.

**A/N**: A friend of mine suggested I write this after we realized Castiel seems to explode a lot and I thought perhaps God would get frustrated with him for exploding so much.

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Castiel or any of the other characters. I just like to write about them.

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><p>"Cas, I thought you exploded!" Dean exclaimed, looking happy but confused at Castiel's reappearance. He was especially happy since he had healed all his wounds, and he thought he didn't have enough "angel mojo" for healing.<p>

"God brought me back." Castiel said pointedly. Offering a hand to help Dean up, he accepted it gratefully as Castiel hefted him to his feet.

"Thanks, Cas." Dean said, leaning against the impala. "I don't know how long I could have lasted-" Castiel put up a hand to silence him.

"I must go."

"Go? Why?" But Dean's question went unanswered as Castiel vanished with the sound of wings and wind. Leaving Dean to wonder what his next move would be and for the fact that Sam was gone to sink in fully.

"I have come as requested. What is it that you need?" Castiel asked, intensely staring at the messenger that had called him.

"Father has commanded that you wear these when you return to the Earth." He offered a folded bundle to Castiel. Castiel took them and unfolded them, scrutinizing them. Upon further inspection he found that this bundle was a pair of pants, a yellow pair of pants and the fabric did not feel the way the pants his vessel already wore felt. They were slick. Castiel made a face.

"Why must I wear these?" He gestured to the pants in his hand, distaste plain in his features.

"Father is tired of you dying; He does not have time to bring you back whenever you do." The messenger replied and Castiel rolled his eyes, an entirely human act that he had learned from Dean.

"What is their purpose?" Castiel asked the messenger, now scrutinizing the slick, bright yellow pants.

"They are apparently 'explosion proof'." The messenger replied, looking up at Castiel with a slight smirk on his face. Castiel scowled in reply. After scrutinizing the pants for a few more seconds, he mumbled a "Very well" and disappeared with the sound of feathers.

Dean had gone to do what Sam had asked of him. He was living an "apple pie" life with Lisa and Ben. But despite how happy he thought he'd be, he simply couldn't fit himself into it. That's why he wasn't the least bit surprised when Castiel appeared in his kitchen while Lisa and Ben were out at a baseball game. He was even a bit relieved to see his old friend.

"What the hell are you doing here, Cas?" He grinned at the uninvited angel in his kitchen. Wait, was Cas wearing a pair of bright yellow, rubber, pants? He definitely was, along with his normal "holy tax accountant" get up. Dean chuckled. "What's with the pants? You lose a bet?"Dean asked, suppressing a laugh.

"I do not understand what you are asking." Castiel paused and looked at Dean, then down at himself. "Then these are not normal clothing…" He pondered half to himself.

"Well, you'd fit right in with the 80's." Dean said to be encouraging. Though he knew even in the 80's Castiel would get laughed at for his wardrobe choice. "Anyway, why are you wearing those?"

"God has commanded me to." Castiel shifted, the pants made a squeaking noise and he winced.

"God ordered you to wear a pair of bright yellow, rubber pants?" Dean asked, on the brink of exploding with laughter.

"He said they were explosion proof." Castiel said as if it explained everything and didn't make him look ridiculous.

Dean couldn't hold it in anymore and collapsed on the floor with laughter. Castiel sat down at the kitchen table and stared at Dean rolling on the floor for a good 5 minutes before he spoke again.

Castiel cleared his throat loudly, "I should go." He said and stood up. Dean stopped laughing and got to his feet.

"That all you came here for? To show off your shiny new pants?" Dean asked, wiping the tears from his eyes. He hadn't laughed that hard since the brothel.

"No." And Castiel disappeared, just as the front door's lock started to turn, signaling that Lisa and Ben were home.

"The hell was that?" Dean muttered to himself, and got up to go greet his family.

Castiel reappeared in a human hotel, not far from Dean's house. He examined himself in the mirror, scrutinizing every detail. He didn't like these pants, and Dean laughed at him when he came to visit. Were his pants humorous? He furrowed his brow. "I do not like these pants." He said out loud, knowing no one could hear him. He moved to take them off, but doing so felt wrong. He would be disobeying an order from his Father and he didn't want to rebel again all because Dean didn't like his squeaky, yellow, explosion proof pants.

He moved to sit down on the bed, wincing as he walked, the pants' squeaking was starting to get annoying. He did not want to go back to Heaven; things seemed tense there since the apocalypse ended. He also didn't want to stay on Earth, people gave him odd looks as he squeaked down the roads and shooed their children away if he sat and watched them play at parks. They didn't seem to mind before his pants.

He lay down on the bed like he had seen Dean do when he was stressed out and thinking. Unlike Dean, he remained straight as a rod. The mattress was soft and plush and it felt like he was being eaten by it. He sat back up immediately and gave the bed a death glare. "I cannot afford dying again, Father would not like it." He told the bed. Dean would have laughed at that, Castiel thought. Dean had laughed at his pants, though he had reason for it. He really didn't like these pants. Why was he talking to an inanimate object?

Dean sat in the living room watching football with Ben, drinking a beer. He mulled things over in his head, not really paying attention to the game.

Not over two months after the apocalypse avoidance and he sees Castiel in his kitchen with yellow "explosion proof" rubber pants. Then he disappears when Dean asks why he came. "No"? What does he mean, "No"? Ben suddenly hopped up off the coach and yelled. This sent Dean to the edge of his seat. "What the hell?" Ben looked at him as if he was stupid.

"They got a touchdown, Dean." Lisa said as she casually walked into the room holding a cup of coffee. "Calm down." Dean relaxed a bit in his seat, though he still remained tense. He was quiet the rest of the night.

"What's wrong, Dean?" Lisa asked as they got ready for bed. Her tone was firm.

"Nothin'" Dean said, he pretended to be preoccupied with unbuttoning his shirt.

"You can't hide it, Dean. You have been on edge since Ben and I got home." She leaned up against the door way, just in case Dean tried to run off.

"I have not." Lisa purposely kicked the door causing Dean to jump an inch. She raised her eyebrows.

"Really?"

"I've just had a lot on my mind." Dean said, trying to brush it off.

"Is it about your brother?"

"Not really."

"Really?"

"It's nothing, Lisa."

"No it's not." Lisa got comfortable in the bed. "But I guess you're going to be stubborn about it and not tell me."

Dean didn't say anything, but merely turned off the lights and got in bed with Lisa. He wouldn't be getting a good night's sleep, if any at all. Castiel's little reappearance caused him to stress, the last thing he wanted was another apocalypse. And "No"? What did Cas mean by "No"?

With some resistance, Dean finally managed to fall asleep, but was soon awakened by nightmares. He gasped awake, stifling a yell. He looked over to Lisa, who was thankfully still sleeping. He sighed and started to snuggle back down into the comforter.

"Hello, Dean." A familiar and somewhat loud voice greeted him. He bolted upright.

"HOLY- CAS?" He yelled, getting out of bed.

"You should be quiet. Your wife is sleeping." Castiel scolded Dean, looking at Lisa who was amazingly still asleep.

Dean glared at Castiel, grabbing his hand and pulling him out of the bedroom, down the stairs and into the living area, pinning him up against the wall with one hand.

"What the Hell, Cas?" Dean scream-whispered at a rather perturbed Castiel. "Didn't I tell you that the whole, 'watching me while I sleep' thing is creepy?" Castiel looked somewhat guilty. Dean let out a sigh, he just couldn't stay mad at Cas when he looked like a guilty puppy dog that just peed on the rug and was now outside in the rain as a punishment. "What are you doing here, Cas?" Castiel didn't say anything, but continued looking at his vessel's shoes. Dean looked down too, noticing Castiel still had his pair of bright yellow, rubber pants on. "You still have those on?"

"It was commanded that I wear them." Castiel explained, still looking at his shoes. Wondering how the lasses had stayed tied all this time. "I don't like them, though. They make odd noises when I walk and my brothers look at me strangely, people here do too, and they move their children closer to their sides when I walk by. I feel that I am no longer aloud to sit at the park…" Castiel trailed off, looking at Dean's hand that had pinned him to the wall. "You laughed at me too."

"Dude, if you don't like them, then take them off." Dean winced, that sounded wrong.

"But I will be disobeying a command from God." Castiel looked worried.

"I don't think they'll kick you out of Heaven for removing your pants." Dean reasoned with Castiel. Castiel looked helplessly at Dean.

Dean stepped back and removed his hand from the wall, allowing Castiel some room. "Take them off or don't, doesn't matter to me." Dean shrugged and sat down on the couch. "That the only reason you're here? Or is it fun watching me and Lisa sleep?" Dean said sarcastically, not expecting a real answer.

"I don't want to go back to Heaven right now." Castiel said, looking again at his vessel's shoes.

"So you came here and watched me sleep?" Dean was now becoming visually upset.

"No…"

"What the hell, Cas? What's the matter with you?"

"I don't like my pants." Castiel said dejectedly.

"Then take the damn things off!" Dean yelled, slamming his fist on the couch. At that moment, Lisa walked into the room.

"Dean… What's going on?" She turned and looked at Castiel, who looked like he had just been caught in a very sinful act. "Who's that?"

Dean stood up, walking over to her. "Everything is fine, this is Cas, he's an old friend." He gestured towards Castiel who was fidgeting in the spot Dean had left him in, throwing Lisa sideways nervous glances. Dean attempted a smile. "He's uh… Shy." He saw Lisa eyeing Cas' questionable fashion choice. "And different…"

"Is he a hunter?" Lisa asked, immediately taking a dislike to Castiel and his creepy yellow pants.

"No, he's-"

"I'm an angel of the Lord." Castiel interrupted Dean in mid-lie. Lisa raised her eyebrows and looked at Dean.

"So, he's religious?" Dean gave Castiel a look the said "Don't say another word".

"It isn't a religion." Castiel said simply, apparently body language flew right over Castiel's head.

"Alright…" Lisa leaned up against the wall. "So, Cas, why are you here at 3 am?"

"It seemed like an appropriate time." Lisa immediately looked upset by this.

"What about 3 am in the morning seemed like an 'appropriate time'?" She asked. Her tone was harsh.

Castiel fidgeted again. "I did not think I would bother anyone." He shrugged slightly.

"Wouldn't bother anyone?" Lisa took a few steps toward Cas. In turn he took a few back, his pants squeaked.

Dean grabbed Cas' hand. "Well, I'm gonna show our friend Cas out." He forcibly dragged him out into the front lawn, leaving Lisa in the living room fuming.

As soon as they were in the lawn, Dean pinned Castiel to the side of the house, this time with both hands. "What. The. Hell. Cas? 'I'm an angel of the Lord' ?" Castiel stared at Dean defiantly.

"You expected me to lie?" Castiel asked. He knew the answer to this question already.

"Well, yeah, Cas!" Castiel looked at the floor again; he winced when he saw his yellow pants.

"Your wife didn't like me." He paused, staring at Dean. "She did not like my pants either. No one seems to."

"She's not my wife!" Dean started to shout, but lowered his voice when he thought Lisa might be listening.

"Then why do you live here with her? Why don't you make her your wife?" Castiel looked confused.

"Because Sam asked me to!" He paused when he processed Cas' second question. "I haven't… Gotten around to it."

"I've obviously caused a disturbance, I will leave." Castiel tried to move from between Dean's arms. After a bit of struggling Dean let him go. As soon as he turned around, Castiel was gone and Dean needed an explanation for Lisa that was somewhat believable. He headed inside.

Lisa was still in the living area. she had calmed down slightly, but still looked angry. "So, who was that really? And why did he feel the need to come at 3 am?"

"That was Castiel, he's an old friend. He just got back from… China. That's why he was here so early in the morning. He wanted to tell me about his trip." Dean started to make his way up the stairs.

"He said he was an 'Angel of the Lord'." Dean winced.

"He's a part of a missionary service. He takes his job seriously." Lisa merely raised an eyebrow and followed Dean up the stairs to get in bed. Dean didn't know why he felt the need to lie to Lisa about Cas, he just did.

Castiel reappeared in his favorite park. There were normally a lot of children here, but it being 3 in the morning, all of them were in bed asleep and so were their mothers. Castiel was happy for this. It meant he could sit on the bench in peace. The first peace since he got these bright yellow pants that repelled mothers and their children and Dean's not-wife. And that squeaked when he walked and brought unwanted attention wherever he went. He sighed. He did not like these pants.

"Nice pants." A homeless man commented to him as he walked past. Castiel jumped, he was so lost in thought that he had not noticed him. He scowled at the back of the homeless man in reply. That man didn't even have pants! What right did he have to comment on his pants? The sun was starting to rise and Castiel enjoyed the few minutes when everything was a bit colder than the rest, just before the sun rises. He hadn't noticed before, but his new pants made his legs sweaty. He sprawled on the bench, welcoming the cool air.

Castiel felt a little tug on his trench coat. "Hey, Mister!" Castiel looked in the direction of the tug to see a little boy of about 5-6 years staring up at him. He was smiling.

"What is it?" Castiel leaned forward so his face was level with the boy's. The little boy took a few steps back, surprised by how close the stranger was willing to get. "Sorry." Castiel adjusted himself so he wasn't as close.

"I have a question for you, Mister!" The little boy grinned at him. Castiel's eyebrows raised a little, but other than that, he remained expressionless. "Are your pants made out of cheese?" Castiel looked down at his pants, his brow was furrowed.

"Why do you ask?" Castiel asked, not looking up from his pants.

"Well, they are yellow like cheese… and shiny like cheese too!" Castiel remembered cheese being yellow, but not shiny.

"I don't understand." The child merely smiled at him and turned around when he heard his mom calling. He was about to turn around and tell Castiel good bye, but the man with the cheesy yellow pants was gone.

Lisa and Ben had gone out again, leaving Dean the house to himself. This would have been a great opportunity to do whatever he wanted, but Dean was just sitting on the couch having a staring contest with the wall.

Lisa was ticked off at him, he knew that and Castiel's little appearance last night did nothing to change her mood, if make her more ticked. Dean sighed and put his head in his hands, this could be worse, but at the moment, it was pretty bad.

"Dean." Dean nearly jumped off the couch.

"Don't do that!" Dean said sternly.

"My apologies." Castiel said, standing awkwardly in front of Dean. This continued for several awkward minutes.

"Dude, sit down." Castiel moved to sit down on the floor. "No, on the couch." Castiel, sat down awkwardly next to Dean. After he was situated, Dean asked him again. "Still wearing the yellow pants of God?" Castiel nodded.

"I don't like them." He paused as he watched Dean sigh in annoyance. "Dean, does my clothing resemble cheese?"

"What?" Dean looked at Castiel, a questioning look in his eyes.

"A young child asked me if my pants were made of cheese." Castiel looked at his pants with disgust.

"Dude, he's a little kid, anything he see's that's yellow is gonna remind him of cheese." Dean said, as calmly as he could without laughing. He didn't want to upset Cas. Castiel's brow furrowed.

"If I remember correctly, cheese has a pleasing taste." Dean simply looked at Cas, wondering if he was going to make some sort of connection, He eventually did, after some thought. "These pants are not pleasing in the least bit." He glared at his pants.

"Then take the damn things off!" Dean shouted, obviously frustrated.

"I can't." Castiel stated, stubbornly.

"Why not?"

"I would be disobeying." Castiel looked towards the door, "Your not-wife and son are home." The handle of the door turned almost in reply to his words.

"Wait, Cas!" But Castiel was gone, disappeared off to who knows where.

Castiel reappeared in another hotel room, a bit farther from where Dean's not-house was. He immediately felt wrong, rather, something was wrong.

"Hey, little brother!" Castiel recognized that voice and spun around to see Gabriel sitting casually in one of the table chairs. He was speechless; Gabriel was supposed to be dead. "What's the matter, little brother? You look like you've seen a ghost!" Gabriel chuckled at his own joke. Castiel didn't say anything, but just stared at Gabriel. A mixture of relief and dread in his stomach, he knew Gabriel being revived would either mean good things, or bad things. Very bad things. "Well, I'm disappointed in all of you, I'm gone for less than two years and you are already fighting again." He mock sighed.

"We aren't fighting…" Castiel defended himself, he knew it was tense in Heaven, it was just tense.

"You're a bad liar." Gabriel commented, and then continued. " Apparently, according to the Old Man, I can't be trusted with my own life." Gabriel stood up and motioned to his new clothing, drawing Castiel's attention to it. To his surprise he was wearing a bright pink vest, positioned over his regular clothing. It somehow looked out of place, and caused Castiel to cock his head to the side.

"What is that?" Castiel asked, furrowing his brow at the vest. He didn't particularly dislike the color, but it seemed wrong on Gabriel, it did not fit him.

"It's a vest. A pink one and it is stab proof apparently." Gabriel stated, avoiding snide remarks as to not confuse Castiel. "Looks like you're in the same boat as me."

"There are no boats here." Castiel said, looking around himself slightly confused. Gabriel sighed.

"I mean we are in the same situation." Gabriel elaborated and was glad that Castiel's eyes lit up at understanding the new phrase. "So, what's the spiel on the pants?" Gabriel asked, trying to speed the conversation along.

"Spiel?" Castiel thought about that word for a moment before deciding just to explain what the pants were. "They are yellow, explosion proof, mothers, children and not-wife repelling, cheese pants." Castiel stated seriously, instead of being serious, Gabriel just started laughing.

"They do all that? And here I thought my vest was special! You've got yourself a pair of super pants!" Castiel frowned at him.

"I don't think they are funny. They cause a lot of problems." Castiel stated seriously.

"Ain't that the truth?" Gabriel said cynically, he then stood up, "Well, I'm gonna go get myself some more stylish clothing and then I'm going to rip this off." He gestured to the vest with large hand motions to make his point. Castiel merely stared at him perplexedly.

"You could just remove it…." Castiel wondered aloud, confused as to why Gabriel would want to rip off his clothing.

"And you could remove your pants!" Gabriel paused and put the palm of his hand to his face "THAT SOUNDED SO WRONG!"

"How is it wrong?" Castiel asked, furrowing his brow.

"Never mind." Gabriel said, waving a hand as if to brush off the subject. "Anyway, what are you going to do about your pants?" He pointed to them and made a face.

"I do not know. I do not want to rebel, but I also do not want to wear these pants." Castiel pulled at them uncomfortably.

"I still think you should take them off!" Gabriel said, then faced palmed. "QUIT MAKING ME SAY THINGS THAT SOUND SO WRONG!"

"I'm sorry…" Castiel looked at his feet, feeling helpless. "I am not sure what to do… Dean said I should take them off, but…."

"Dean?" Gabriel raised an eyebrow and smirked. "What'd he have to say?"

Castiel was unsure why Gabriel was interested in what Dean said, but answered. "He said I should take my pants off and they do not look like cheese."

"Buffalo cheese?" Gabriel grinned.

"What?" Castiel furrowed his brow at Gabriel who merely shook his head and laughed.

"Never mind, you wouldn't get it." Castiel frowned more, if possible, at that statement.

"I'm more than capable at understanding…" Gabriel put a finger to his mouth in a very coy way.

"You wouldn't understand. Let's leave it at that." He laughed and disappeared.

"Wait! Gabriel!" Castiel stood helplessly in the hotel room; he didn't really want to follow Gabriel anyway.

Dean sat on the sofa staring blankly at the T.V. screen, Ben sat next to him laughing at whatever was on.

"Dean! Isn't that funny?" Ben asked, pointing at the T.V. and laughing some more. Dean huffed out a "yeah" and continued staring at the screen. Not registering what was on as remotely funny.

"Dean!" Lisa called, peeking her head out of the kitchen. "I need to talk to you!" She didn't sound very happy with him, she sounded downright angry. He hefted himself off the sofa and lurched towards the kitchen as slowly as possible.

"What is it?" Dean asked, wincing slightly, fearing the lecture he was no doubt going to get.

"What is wrong with you lately?" She yelled at him. Dean winced slightly.

"I'm just, having trouble… Getting used to this…" He trailed off and gestured weakly to his surroundings.

"What is there to get used to?" Lisa yelled, slamming her hand on the counter. Dean winced. "I would think you would enjoy this! I'm trying so hard to make you comfortable! Why can't you just settle down and be a family with us?"

"I… It's just not that easy, okay?" Dean looked anywhere but Lisa. "I can't just forget."

Lisa's gaze softened slightly, but she was still livid. "Fine. But you're sleeping on the couch tonight." She stalked out of the room, silencing any further protests.

Dean slept soundly despite the couch being lumpy. It was better than most of the hotel beds he had slept on while he was still a hunter. Now he was supposed to be normal, and it was hard to adjust. He stirred slightly when he felt a light gust of wind and the sound of feathers. But instead of waking up from his somewhat peaceful sleep he turned over mumbling something inaudible.

Castiel was disgruntled by Dean's reaction to his entrance into the room. He had purposely landed loud to wake him up. He opened his mouth to say something to him, but closed it instead opting to stare at the back of Dean's head. This went on until Dean's hunter instincts told him someone was staring at him. He gasped awake and rolled over quickly to be greeted by piercing eyes. He almost screamed, Cas was much too close for this early in the morning. But when did that ever matter to him?

"Jesus, Cas! Not a good way to wake someone up!" Castiel cocked his head to the side.

"It was not my fault, you would not wake up." He replied seriously, but Dean could see a ghost of a smile on Cas' lips.

"You were trying to scare the crap out of me!" Dean accused, glaring angrily at Cas.

"No, I was not." Castiel replied stoically.

"You're lying."

"You are right."

"What? You!" Cas' smile grew slightly while he watched Dean fumble for words. Dean looked at his feet, eyes automatically drawn to Cas' pants. "You still have the Holy Cheese Pants of God?"

"They are also explosion proof." Cas corrected. "And yes, I still have them and they are still an issue." Castiel looked down and glared at his pants. "I do not like them."

"Yeah, yeah, you've said that." Dean sat up on the couch, "So what are you gonna do about it?" He yawned.

"I do not know, Dean." Castiel messed with the fabric of his trench coat; he liked that item of clothing.

"You're helpless." Dean stated, wearing an annoyed expression.

"I am not." Castiel protested, brow furrowing and a frown plastered on his face.

"Then fix your own pants problem!" Dean yelled, not caring that Lisa and Ben were sleeping anymore. Castiel remained silent, looking much like a kicked puppy. Which would have broken Dean's heart had he not been wearing yellow, rubber pants that apparently prevented explosions. "You don't even know if they work!"

"They work." Castiel insisted, frown growing more. He didn't like his pants, but he disliked Dean doubting his holy pants more.

"You sure? Had any explosions lately?" Dean got in Castiels face, staring him down. Castiel didn't move despite the sudden invasion of space.

"I have not…" Castiel faltered, feeling a desperate need to justify his pants.

"Then you don't know anything at all!" Dean shouted in Castiel's face, trying to get his point through Castiel stubborn thick skull.

"I know quite a bit. More than you!" Castiel raised his voice as well, frown turning into a scowl.

"Jeez! Sorry, Cas." But Castiel was gone, in a rather noisy race of wind and feathers that knocked things ajar in the room. _Mental note: Never argue with Cas about his fashion choices. _He lay back down on the couch and drifted off again, he could take care of Cas' mess in the morning.

Castiel flopped haphazardly on a bench. His pants made a squeak and he gave them the mother of all death glares. "Stop it!" He yelled, frightening passersby, who either gawked at the crazy screaming man with yellow pants, or ran away in the opposite direction. "You are bad pants. I would punish you if you were human." Castiel continued glaring at his pants, completely oblivious to the figure that took a seat next to him.

"Bro, stop it. You're scaring the locals." Gabriel said casually, shooting one of the gawking females a flirtatious grin, which was promptly ignored. He didn't know why, he was dressed up in the sexiest clothing he could find. His smile turned into a frown as he looked over at Castiel, who was now glaring at him. "Hey! I didn't make you wear those pants. Don't look at me like that!"

"You disobeyed." He stated, eyes getting narrower. "You are worse than these pants."

"Are you crazy?" Gabriel shouted, scooting away. "Get away, I might catch your rubber pants-itis!"

Castiel cocked his head slightly, gaze softening a bit. "That is an illness?" He asked, voice slightly tinted with fear. Gabriel's eyes widened slightly, before his mouth curved up into an evil grin.

"Yeah, and it's especially contagious to angels." Castiel's eyes widened slightly, he leaned into Gabriel's personal space, but not too much. He didn't want Gabriel to catch his illness.

"What does it do?"

"Drives you crazy. You start yelling and throwing things and eventually you get in all kinds of arguments." Gabriel, put on his best serious faces. "Eventually you go completely insane and start stealing other people's pants. There's no going back after that." He shook his head.

"Is there a cure?" Castiel asked, hope and fear mixed into his voice.

"Oh yeah, you have to get someone your close to take the pants off for you." Gabriel had to bite his cheek to stop from laughing. _This was going to be awesome!_

Castiel regarded his information seriously, turning to face the street. "Someone close…" He turned towards Gabriel. "Gabriel, I have an important question." He narrowed his eyes, waiting for Gabriel to give him consent to speak.

"What's that?" Castiel leaned in closer.

"Is it considered disobedience if someone else removes them?" Gabriel deflated slightly; he thought Castiel regarded him as someone close, apparently not.

"No, spose' not." He said. "Considering they're the ones doing it." Castiel's head tilted at Gabriel's deflation, but he quickly righted it.

"I need to go consider my options." And like that Castiel was gone, Gabriel sighed. Now to set his other plan in motion.

Gabriel appeared in front of Dean as he mowed the lawn, almost being barreled over by brooding Dean. "What the? Gabriel? I THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD!" He screamed at Gabriel, who exploded into laughter on the spot.

"You thought Cas was the only one who got special treatment?" He puffed his chest out with pride.

"No, I just thought you were too much of a jerk for God to care about your sorry, feathery, ass."

"Oh… That hurts Dean. Really." He put a hand to his chest in fake pain. "Anyway, that's not what I'm here for."

"What _are _you here for, then?" Dean leaned on the lawnmower, glowering at Gabriel.

Gabriel ignored him. "It's Castiel. Those pants are driving him completely insane. He's started yelling at things that don't talk and whenever I offer to help him he throws stuff." Gabriel feigned a worried expression. "He was at the park terrorizing the children when I found him. I was gonna stop him, but he saw me and disappeared." Gabriel looked seriously at Dean. "I was hoping since you two were such good friends, you could get him to take em' off!" Dean returned the serious look.

"I already told him to take them off. We're gonna have to force him to."

Gabriel shook his head "Not we, he can sense me, since I'm an angel and all that. You're gonna have to wing it without my help."

"Oh, aren't you helpful?" Dean said sarcastically. He stops to think for a minute, "If you can't help with the take down, then you can go get the supplies. Wait here." Gabriel raised a brow as Dean disappeared into the house, reemerging 5 minutes late with a pen and a yellow sticky note pad. He took the pen cap off with his teeth, preparing to write. After he finished, he tore the sticky note off and handed it to Gabriel. "I need the stuff on this list."

Gabriel looked at the list apprehensively. "What're you gonna need this stuff for?" Dean grinned, though it was an evil grin, rather than one of happiness.

"To steal Cas' pants, of course." Gabriel gave Dean a doubtful look. "Trust me, it'll work." With that Gabriel was gone, leaving Dean to prepare other pieces of his plan.

Dean had just finished removing the sewer grid, when an oversized plastic bag landed on him. "Son of a- GABRIEL!"

"What? I got you the stuff." Gabriel laughed. "I still don't see how your plan's gonna work." Dean furrowed his brow.

"It's gonna work!" Gabriel shrugged.

"Anything else you need?"

"Yeah, go get Cas and get him to come here. Right to this spot." Dean pointed to the space in front of where the sewer grate used to be.

"What am I supposed to tell him?"

"Tell him I fell in or something."

"He'll question that!"

"Then tell him I fell in and broke something important." Dean felt bad about lying to Cas about being hurt.

"Oh! That'll have him running" Gabriel laughed. "Sure thing, Cas'll be here in a minute." With that he disappeared. Dean took his chance to unpack the contents of the bag, and jump into the sewage hole. Not more than ten minutes after that, Castiel appeared right outside the hole.

"Dean?" He peered into the hole. "Gabriel said you broke something important."He furrowed his brow and cocked his head to the side. "You do not appear to be hurt."

"We need to talk." Dean said seriously.

"Why don't you come out of that hole first?"

"What? No! Cas! You need to get rid of those pants." Castiel's head cocked more to the side, if possible.

"Why do you not want to come out of the hole?" Dean ignored Castiel's question.

"Cas! We can do this the easy way or the hard way. You come down here and give me the pants, or I take them from you."

"I cannot come down there, Dean."

"Why not?" Castiel fidgeted slightly. For some reason he didn't want to tell Dean about being sick, about being contaminated.

"I just can't." Dean shrugged.

"The pants are coming off, one way or another. Can't be having monster Cas attacking parks."

"I don't understand…" Castiel would have said more, but suddenly a small fish hook attached itself to the front of his rubber pants. He looked and saw it was attached to a fishing pole that Dean was holding. "Dean, what are you-"

".GO!" Dean reeled the fishing line in and tugged simultaneously. Cas' pants slid off easier than he expected, and he ended up almost tripping him as they pooled around his ankles. "Sorry, dude. But the pants had to go." He noticed Cas was gone, figuring he just insulted him, he sighed and reeled in his prize of Holy Rubber Pants.

"Dean." Castiel appeared right behind him, causing him to jump. He held the pants protectively to his chest.

"No, Cas! You can't have the pants back!" Castiel cocked his head to the side again.

"I don't want them back." He took a step towards Dean. "Dean."

"What?" And Dean found himself engulfed in Cas' tan trench coat, his arms wrapping around to meet behind Dean's neck, in a very stiff, awkward hug.

"Thank you Dean. You cured me." Dean couldn't see it, but he heard a smile in Cas' voice.

"What? From the pants crazies? No problem." He patted Cas' back slightly before pulling out of the hug. He turned to the bag of goodies Gabriel got him and retrieved some black slacks from it, offering them to Cas. "Wear these before someone sees you without any pants. Or Gabriel gets a picture."

"Too late!" Gabriel's laughter erupted from outside the sewage hole, holding a camera in hands. Castiel's brow furrowed.

"That was a private moment." He said, seemingly offended by Gabriel's intrusion. "Why did you feel the need to take a picture?"

"Cause you guys were sooo cute!" Gabriel threw his head back in more laughter.

"Gabriel! You better get your sorry ass out of here or I'm gonna kill you! Again!" He brandished the fishing pole threateningly. Gabriel laughed louder but complied, vanishing once more, taking the camera with him. One could guess what he was going to do with the picture.

"What did he mean by 'cute'?" Castiel asked, still holding the slacks.

"Just put your damn pants on! I've gotta go mow the lawn." He climbed out of the sewer, taking a look back in to see if Castiel was still standing in there pantless. Not much to Dean's surprise, he was gone, pants and all.

Dean realized he was still carrying Cas' yellow explosion proof pants. Instead of throwing them in the sewer or the trash, he kept them. Not wanting Lisa to find them, he quietly snuck them under the couch which had become his bed. You never know when yellow, explosion proof, mothers, children and not-wife repelling, cheese pants of the Lord would come in handy. After making sure you couldn't see them from any direction, he headed back outside to finish mowing the lawn. "No matter how I look at it, I am so screwed up." He muttered under his breath.

**The End**


End file.
